I know what you mean and thanks for your reply

I know what you mean and thanks for your reply. However, I am delivering my baby at El Camino Hospital where you are allowed a maximum of 3 support people during labor (and no tag teams!) so with my midwife (whom I am hoping will also come prepared with numerous tricks up her sleeve when it comes to easing my efforts in labor! ie massage, positions etc) my husband and my mother present, that would fill my quota.

Also I am thinking that having 4 people trying to support me at one time might be a bit of an overload…it’s kind of like: too many cooks…..?

Keeping in mind that at El Camino you also have one nurse assigned to you during active labor as well!

Besides, I am feeling quite fortunate to have a midwife. If I would “only” have my Ob/Gyn, who would rush in just in time for the pushing part of it, I would definitely want a doula!! 😉

Thank you to all of you for taking the time to answer my questions, it makes making these decisions so much easier!

Am I the only pregnant woman on this list with questions btw? It really it awfully quiet in here ;-)))


I think it’s great for you that your mom is going to be there

I also think it’s great for you that your mom is going to be there. It sounds like she has the right kind of life experience… However, you might want to consider a doula as well. Although as a doula I might not be objective 🙂 but here are some of the reasons…

If you wish to spend as much time at home as possible, a doula usually has the tools to help you decide when would be a good time to leave for the hospital. Besides, even at the hospital, an extra pair of well-trained hands can never hurt… (Lin & Olga, please correct me if I’m wrong.) Even with a midwife around, a birth (especially the first) can be a very long process, so a doula can help just by being there, and sharing the hard work of giving labor support. A doulas has many tricks and gadgets to help when the labor is progressing too slow, such as massage, aromatherapy, different positions and so on.

However, if you prefer not to invest too much money in such services, you might consider hiring a doula in training (like myself 🙂 that is usually charging much less…

Also watch this video:

I hope this helps… Don’t hesitate to ask me any other questions you might have.


Hi, Everyone!

I hope things are going well for you. Being pregnant could be fun but it’s not an easy task… 🙂

There are few stores that have community boards and would be a great place to advertise:

– Whole Foods – They have a community board near the restrooms (where most pregnant women will go by…).

– Border’s book store – I know the branch on El-Camino & Matilda has one.

– There are couple of book stores on Castro ave (down town Mountain View), that might have a community board, and there also few boards on that street.

Except for those, make sure you advertise it on Craig’s list (www.craigslist.com). A good category would be under events.

For those of you out there that are considering having me as a doula at your birth, know that I can take photos (digital or stills), I do reflexology (acupressure & massage to your feet), and also Reiki (good energies :-).

Take care!


Sorry here I am again with my questions….

1) When will my midwife be with me exactly: continuous from the moment I am admitted to hospital or…? Since my mom will be with me at home I think we can manage that without a doula, so if that was the biggest reason to have one, I think I will be just fine with “just” a midwife (my mom has helped deliver my sisters 2 children in Denmark)

2) Have you any advice on where to take a childbirth class? I am looking at Blossom Birth Services in Palo Alto OR the El Camino Hospital course…any recommendations for one or the other?

3) If I decide to try HypnoTherapy, will my midwife be able to support me actively in that?

Thanks a bunch, see you on December 8th (we have an appointment at your office)


Fear of flying and medication….

Hi all,

First question from me: I am terrified of flying and normally I would take a Valium before (and maybe one during) a long flight. Normally I do not take ANY kind of medication at all, but as I am from Denmark, a 12 hour flight is unbearable for me if I have to sit at the edge of my seat with my hart pounding and being just really really uncomfortable.

I am flying to Denmark on the 6th of Oct to be with my family…what can I take that is safe? Oxezepam (kind of Valium that I have from my doctor in Denmark) or…..?

Hope you can help me out here as I am already getting really nervous.

Have you heard of Valerian? It is an herbal tincture. It is considered to be the herbal version of Valium. Are you pregnant? Is that why you are so concerned? I don’t know what the recommendation for pregnant women is when using Valerian. Maybe someone else does.

Also, this could be good prep for your labor. If you have done some childbirth preparation, such as breathing, visualizing, etc… it may help. Good luck to you.

I am pregnant (14+6 today) but my fear of flying is not new. I would like to be able to get the strongest medication that is safe for the baby if that is possible as I really am NOT a good passenger ;-)) I guess I will ask my OB/GYN when I see him next week.


Can’t afford an attorney

i agree whole heartly with the message posted about not being able to do anything about how the child support money is being spent. my husbands ex is up to her ears in court costs she incured while driving drunk with 2 of my husbands children in the vehicle with her (wanton endangerment). plus she had a former dui conviction. she does’nt work, in fact she NEVER has, lives on food stamps, section 8, and child support. the judge in this case took her licence and convicted her to 1 year in jail as the wanton endangerment was a 1st degree felony.

then he went and revoked the 1 year sentence to a mandatory program she must attend and pay for out of her own pocket, on top of the fine for the 2nd dui conviction. now where is someone who does’nt have any income but child support going to come up with this kind of money? of coarse, the kids are going to be left pennyless. but the courts say she is fit enough to be these childrens custodal parent. how do you fight when you can’t afford to hire a lawyer. i live in a very rural area and when you try to fight as your own council the judge literally laughs you out of court. to beat it all the same judge that granted her custodial rights is the one who convicted her of the 1st degree felony.

in my area it’s not who you know but how much you can pay. (everyone already knows each other you see.) our story goes much deeper, in fact it’s almost sicking. i’ve been told i need to go on the jerry springer show, the worst thing about it though is our story would be the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. if i get comfortable enough with all you nice folks, i’ll let you in on how crazy justice can really be, like you haven’t seen enough on your own, right? you’d be surprized.

thanks for letting me vent hereif only for a while, but i would like suggestions on where to search for court documents and legal text to fight this pitiful excuse for justice. never giving up.


So there we were in the counselor’s temporary office

So there we were in the counselor’s temporary office (which happened to be the same building that our doctor used as well). And we were going back and forth. I finally stated enough is enough. The marriage is over and lets accept that fact – now we can either get mediation and refrain from incurring more debt and we can each get lawyers and let the battle shift to the courts. With that I told the counselor that quite frankly she stank as a counselor and then I gave my wife 2 weeks to tell me which way we were going. With that I left and walked over 10 miles home.

When the time came I was not sure what the answer would be, I really was hoping that both the counselor and my soon to be ex had some intelligence but ex stated that the counselor stated to flat out that I was not mediation material and that the children had rights that I didn’t even know about. That my friends was the beginning of hell that will not end. So I then went to my lawyer, hired him and had her served with papers. At this point my lawyer has requested documents and answers to questions and her attorney did the same thing to me. I have to have my questions answered and back to the lawyer by tax date. Now as a result of all of this there is going to be at least one more law suit on the books.

You see once this is all finished, I am going back and filing several motions against the counselor for her irreverent look into the marriage. If possible I will see that she is disbarred from practicing and will see to it that any financial or emotional strain I receive she will get it too. I did ask several different lawyers and even my current lawyer and they all agree, I do have a legitimate case against the counselor for not pushing the mediation. The moral(s) of the story are – stay away from the courts – resolve the marriage conflict some how if there are children involved. And push for mandated mediation is respective of anyone’s rights. The moment the court gets involved – everyone’s rights have just been subverted.


Accountability

I think that is absolutely absurd that the recipient of Child Support is not in the least accountable for how the money is spent.

Why do we call it Child Support if there is no accountability to ensure that it is in fact going toward support of the children. I am a non-custodial father who has been making regular child support payments for several years. And I know that much of the money I send for “Child Support” never gets spent on the children. It is infuriating that I have no recourse to ensure that my Children are properly provided for when they are with their mother.

As far as standard of living goes, my standard of living in terms of being able to provide for the children when they are with me is greatly reduced as a result of the child support payments that I make each month. What about the non-custodial parents ability to maintain a standard of living sufficient to provide for the children when they are with him/her?


Child Support – Standard of Living

Again, I have to refer back to “equal rights for women.” Why does a woman suddenly become a weak, helpless maiden who requires to have her standard of living protected by a man when she gets a divorce? Why isn’t she held responsible for achieving or maintaining that standard of living if she’s so needy of it?

Why don’t the courts take into consideration the man’s “standard of living” in terms of his access and rights to his children. Obviously, he was used to seeing his children frequently when he was married and he had an input on their upbringing and discipline, so why isn’t he allowed to maintain that “standard of living”? I am soooo glad I am not a man. I think I would probably be behind bars from foaming at the mouth in a crazy fit at the injustices of the family court system!

I tell my teenage children often: no matter how much in love they are, they should prepare some sort of pre-marital agreement before marrying in regard to children and visitations in case of a divorce. Something legal agreed to by his future wife that if they have any children and ever get a divorce, in very specific terms, his visitations and child support obligations are spelled out in the agreement. Not a guarantee but at least something to hold onto during a divorce.


Modification of a custody order

‘Courts have generally held that interference by a child’s custodian with the visitation rights of the noncustodial parent constitutes a ground for modification of a custody order… reasoning that one who willfully disobeys a valid court order concerning visitation rights, and shows such little respect for constituted authority, can hardly lay claim to being the best custodian for a child.’

For example: ‘Court did not err in changing physical custody from mother to father where court found that mother repeatedly, intentionally, and unjustifiably denied and interfered with father’s visitation rights on numerous occasions and that she regularly violated court orders regarding visitation, where court further found that mother repeatedly filed numerous, unfounded reports of abuse against father and was convicted on two counts of filing false reports, where court concluded that mother’s behavior and actions were not in best interests of child, and where court observed that several investigations associated with mother’s false reports had been traumatic for child. Beyer v Tranelli-Ashe (1993, App Div, 4th Dept) 600 NYS2d 598.’ However, in other cases, ‘custody should not be changed when to do so would punish a parent for past behavior and where there is no proof of a detrimental effect on the child or children…’

Thus the father is usually burdened with the proof of showing detrimental effects on his children — even when the mother violates custody orders. Yet there seems to be an implicit doctrine that ‘if either parent should attempt to influence the child to disrepect or to lose her affection for the other, such a parent would forfeit all claim to the child’s custody.’ An extremely detailed case law discussion can be found