Author archives: maradmin

I had to give up the home

I had to give up the home as I could not afford the attourney bills, and I asked the judge who modified the Order of Prot. if I could leave because I felt danger for my son and myself living in the area, he said OK.

She was also allowed to return w/police to get her clothes for 15 min, then ordered to leave. Told the judge I would move in w/mom temporarily as she will help watch my son. Rent is very expensive in NYC and I can’t afford to pay a lawyer and pay rent, it is not possible at this moment.

She is going to lie her head off, but I do have some evidence if they will let me use it that she composed two emails to her ex and her friend clearly lining out her plans to take my son out of country while I was away and she could not let anyone else find out.

I got the order 1st because she was a flight risk, 2nd because I was tired of her hitting me, but I only have documentation of the one time she was arrested for Dom. Violence, which she will contest since it is her 1st offense. What else can I do????

Any tips?

Hello everyone. Tomorrow I go to court to ask for an adjournment as I just retained a lawyer and he is not available to represent me at the proceedings. It is my 1st adjournment. I have already served her with a modified order of Prot. which also granted me temp. custody of my son as she was locked up for assaulting me.

She served me contesting the order stating I am unfit to care for the child, and to appear at another date for spousal supp. indicating that since the date I served her I have not provided her support. She was removed and told to stay away from the home, which I have since given up because her whole fam lives by and has threatened me. My fear is that regardless of what has happened and that I initiated all the orders, the judge will rule that the best interest of the child is with the mother.

Then she is going after me for everything. What can I do? She has pics of me a few years ago when I was wild, but since have reformed my life. Never been arrested, fired, etc… I don’t know where I am going with this, but can anyone post a reply with any tips? I don’t want to loose my son to a woman who was secretly planning to kidnap him. He is my everything, my every breath.

What happened in court today!

OK went to court and they didn’t even read my lawyers’ request for an adjournment till it was over. Her lawyer stood there and showboated that his client is a good Irish mom and that the arrest was going to be contested as she was innocent and what not guilty, will fight the charge in criminal court to prove her innocence.

Also stated several times she is NOT a flight risk like I originally said in my first to petitions to the court. She showed up with her whole fam and I was alone as mine is a small family who works for a living.. Also said his client was not informed that the apt was given up and that she had no where to go. Now I asked the judge who issued the Modified order if I could move out because

  • A: I cant afford to keep it with the price of an attorney and
  • B: I feared for my life living in that neighborhood as her whole family lives there.

He said that is OK, so I moved my son and I to moms temporarily. Also told my lawyer (I’d even had to get cash loan here to pay him), and he said OK, put her stuff in storage. Today’s judge said to appear tomorrow with my attorney present to discuss this matter as she has petitioned for support and wants me to provide her with a residence. Also bring the child and they appointed a Law Guardian from the court.

My attorney is locked into another case and can’t make it. The judge let her attorney pick the time and dday that he would like to show up, and I get slammed as I now have to show and ask for a 2nd adjournment. Someone please help… I am going to get killed in there tomorrow and I just know they will take my son away from me now.

My horrible custody battle…..

Found your blog and find it very helpful…. Please read the following post and let me know if you can derive anything from it. Hello all, I just wanted to drop a line and give an example of the legal drama I am going through at the hands of a deceptive woman I thought loved me. We were married for about 8 months, and our child is 4 months old. It was a long distance relationship from the US to Ireland were she is from. She became pregnant and had our child here in the US. Things quickly fell apart after her family came here to visit for the Christening, and I was the victim of months of verbal abuse after that visit, as her family tried to convince her to come home.

To get to the punch quickly, I came across evidence on my hard drive, word for word that she was conspiring with her mother and sister in Ireland to sneak the child back there when I was to go away for a few days for my birthday in April. The email was to her ex-boyfriend and to one of her best friends. I immediately went to court to get an order of protection against her and told the female judge this woman was unstable and could resort to violence. She only gave me an order barring her from leaving the US with my son, and made me continue to live in the same house with this woman. After she was served she became very hostile towards me and continued to try and provoke me to fight her to get me arrested. On 3/5/2000, we both had a verbal argument after I accused her of removing some of my legal docs after I went to the bathroom.

She then started yelling and I went to call the police. She chased me to my room where the phone is and ripped it from my hands and out of the wall. She then threw it at me and it bruised my left forearm. I ran out of the house and called police who then arrested her for felony assault. The police were clearly on her side and gave me bad info, that if I did not go to court to press charges, she would be released that day. Since I did not want this to happen, I refused initial medical treatment and went to the court. When I spoke to the DA, they had decided to reduce the charges to misdemeanor assault/harassment. The judge who saw her for the assault also issued her and order of protection to stay away from me. You could just imagine what they would have done to me if the roles were reversed! I went to family court the next day and got the original order modified to keep her away from my son and I, my house, work and mothers’ house as she has a rough family who live all around the area we lived together initially. We are now staying with my mother temporarily and I have Temporary full custody of my child for 2 weeks until we go to court.

She showed up at my moms’ with the police last night to serve me with a summons to appear in court the day after we go to family court, most probably to get back custody of my child. Right now I am struggling to get an attorney to fight her for a Divorce and Full Custody of my child. She is an alcoholic but unfortunately it is undocumented so I can’t prove it. It is killing me that this person could possible get him again, and have me pay her way the rest of her life. Her status with the INS right now is in limbo as I removed all petitions on her behalf. If the court awards her custody I can kiss my son goodbye as she can then leave the US with him and I can’t stop her at all.

Also, since she has been at home with him since he was born and I work for a living, I feel they will give her custody just on that fact alone. Please pass this on to any fathers who might be helped by this story, and remember, never hit the woman! Even when you are in the right, as you can see by the hoops I have to jump through, the odds are stacked against you. You alone can fight back but fight for the sake of the children, and do it in the legal system.

If only many more women had that option

it’s great your mum will be with you, if only many more women had that option, just knowing she will be there for some would put their minds at ease. Anyway, Olga and I will be with you throughout the ‘active’ part of labor, meaning when you are contracting every 2-3 minutes and making cervical change.

Sometimes we may have to pop out but usually that is if your contractions have spaced out or you are not in need of us for example when there is an epidural in place and both you and the baby are doing well then we feel a bit ‘redundant’. Everyone is different but rest assured, we will be there for you when you relly need us to be there. Childbirth prep classes are great and wither at Blossom or with El Camino are fine. Olga and I both teach at El Camnio so if you decide to go there see if you can join our class.

Olga teaches more often so the chances are quite high to get her. I think I will be teaching again in January, when is the baby due?

The hypnotherapy I think is a great idea and like everything it needs to be practised. We are very supportive of any relaxation technique our mums wish to use and although we are not ‘trained’ as such in hypnotherapy we will do all we can to encourage you. In my experience of hypnotherapy during labor, the mums and their coach have usually got it down to a fine art and I have often been an on-looker with added support when needed.
Hope that is helpful, look forward to seeing you in December

I know what you mean and thanks for your reply

I know what you mean and thanks for your reply. However, I am delivering my baby at El Camino Hospital where you are allowed a maximum of 3 support people during labor (and no tag teams!) so with my midwife (whom I am hoping will also come prepared with numerous tricks up her sleeve when it comes to easing my efforts in labor! ie massage, positions etc) my husband and my mother present, that would fill my quota.

Also I am thinking that having 4 people trying to support me at one time might be a bit of an overload…it’s kind of like: too many cooks…..?

Keeping in mind that at El Camino you also have one nurse assigned to you during active labor as well!

Besides, I am feeling quite fortunate to have a midwife. If I would “only” have my Ob/Gyn, who would rush in just in time for the pushing part of it, I would definitely want a doula!! 😉

Thank you to all of you for taking the time to answer my questions, it makes making these decisions so much easier!

Am I the only pregnant woman on this list with questions btw? It really it awfully quiet in here ;-)))

I think it’s great for you that your mom is going to be there

I also think it’s great for you that your mom is going to be there. It sounds like she has the right kind of life experience… However, you might want to consider a doula as well. Although as a doula I might not be objective 🙂 but here are some of the reasons…

If you wish to spend as much time at home as possible, a doula usually has the tools to help you decide when would be a good time to leave for the hospital. Besides, even at the hospital, an extra pair of well-trained hands can never hurt… (Lin & Olga, please correct me if I’m wrong.) Even with a midwife around, a birth (especially the first) can be a very long process, so a doula can help just by being there, and sharing the hard work of giving labor support. A doulas has many tricks and gadgets to help when the labor is progressing too slow, such as massage, aromatherapy, different positions and so on.

However, if you prefer not to invest too much money in such services, you might consider hiring a doula in training (like myself 🙂 that is usually charging much less…

Also watch this video:

I hope this helps… Don’t hesitate to ask me any other questions you might have.

Hi, Everyone!

I hope things are going well for you. Being pregnant could be fun but it’s not an easy task… 🙂

There are few stores that have community boards and would be a great place to advertise:

– Whole Foods – They have a community board near the restrooms (where most pregnant women will go by…).

– Border’s book store – I know the branch on El-Camino & Matilda has one.

– There are couple of book stores on Castro ave (down town Mountain View), that might have a community board, and there also few boards on that street.

Except for those, make sure you advertise it on Craig’s list ( A good category would be under events.

For those of you out there that are considering having me as a doula at your birth, know that I can take photos (digital or stills), I do reflexology (acupressure & massage to your feet), and also Reiki (good energies :-).

Take care!

Sorry here I am again with my questions….

1) When will my midwife be with me exactly: continuous from the moment I am admitted to hospital or…? Since my mom will be with me at home I think we can manage that without a doula, so if that was the biggest reason to have one, I think I will be just fine with “just” a midwife (my mom has helped deliver my sisters 2 children in Denmark)

2) Have you any advice on where to take a childbirth class? I am looking at Blossom Birth Services in Palo Alto OR the El Camino Hospital course…any recommendations for one or the other?

3) If I decide to try HypnoTherapy, will my midwife be able to support me actively in that?

Thanks a bunch, see you on December 8th (we have an appointment at your office)

Fear of flying and medication….

Hi all,

First question from me: I am terrified of flying and normally I would take a Valium before (and maybe one during) a long flight. Normally I do not take ANY kind of medication at all, but as I am from Denmark, a 12 hour flight is unbearable for me if I have to sit at the edge of my seat with my hart pounding and being just really really uncomfortable.

I am flying to Denmark on the 6th of Oct to be with my family…what can I take that is safe? Oxezepam (kind of Valium that I have from my doctor in Denmark) or…..?

Hope you can help me out here as I am already getting really nervous.

Have you heard of Valerian? It is an herbal tincture. It is considered to be the herbal version of Valium. Are you pregnant? Is that why you are so concerned? I don’t know what the recommendation for pregnant women is when using Valerian. Maybe someone else does.

Also, this could be good prep for your labor. If you have done some childbirth preparation, such as breathing, visualizing, etc… it may help. Good luck to you.

I am pregnant (14+6 today) but my fear of flying is not new. I would like to be able to get the strongest medication that is safe for the baby if that is possible as I really am NOT a good passenger ;-)) I guess I will ask my OB/GYN when I see him next week.